


She Smells like Lemongrass and Sleep

by teethcrystals



Category: Red Dead Redemption (Video Games)
Genre: Abigail is a lesbian and she deserved Sadie, Canon Compliant, F/F, Fluff, Idiots in Love, M/M, Puppy Love, Useless Lesbians, i love sadigail, these two are so sweet...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-10-28 13:05:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17787944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teethcrystals/pseuds/teethcrystals
Summary: She thinks about how it feels to be this close to Sadie. Close enough to learn how she smells, to feel her exhale as she breathes. Abigail feels something with Sadie that she could never feel with a man. She feels loved, she feels respected.Abigail feels safe.*Abigail's reflection on loving women, the peace she feels with them and why she's made the choices she has.





	She Smells like Lemongrass and Sleep

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by the song her by dodie and my own struggles growing up with attraction to women. happy valentines day y'all !!

     The night before had been rough, making Abigail's morning rough as well. She got into an argument with John again, over what she couldn't say. All she remembers is feeling hurt, angry, other negative bad feelings. It wasn't as though she planned to end up with Jack, she would gladly continue a single women untethered by the burdens of motherhood. But that isn't how things ended up was it. Abigail loves Jack more than anything. The boy is her pride and joy, but she can't help but feel robbed of a life outside of men. 

     Since as far back as she can remember her life has revolved around men. Doing as they say, making them happy, pleased with her. Thoughts of it sends shivers down her spine. You'd think years between that life and now would lessen the way she felt about it, but it didn't. She remembers back to the first time she caught herself lingering her gaze on a woman. Abigail didn't think that most other women looked at each other the way she looked at her. It didn't cause a huge problem for her, she assumes that's a lucky thing with being a women. One of few luxuries she has. When she's affection with women people can brush it off as typical friendship between ladies. She knows what it really means. At least what it means to her.

     A part of her wonders how things would be had she picked a man other than John. Her first choice that comes in her mind is Arthur. He's kind and loving, exactly the kind of man a women would want to spend her life with. He even took Jack out for a day of fun at seeing Abigail in distress this morning. She remembers that Arthur was with that Mary at the time. So that would not have worked well. She couldn't stand breaking the poor man's heart. Though she does daydream about how nice it would be. Then again Abigail would feel guilty knowing she could never feel attraction towards Arthur anyway. Plus their initials would be the same, isn't sure if she likes that.

     Next her mind goes to Javier. They had never actually slept together, her lying to the gang to save him some embarrassment. She can't help but feel a little powerful knowing the man nearly cried the second she laid her hands on him. Though she supposes she knows why now. But she wonders if she chose him would he of told the truth or gone along with it, not wanting to leave Jack without a father. He was kind, got along with Jack well and had immense respect for Abigail. Knowing his own preferences towards men she thinks maybe they could have worked. But maybe not, commitment might make Javier feel tied down. Abigail knows she feels tied down, unable to explore and grow into her own woman. Now she's stuck with motherhood. She wouldn't wish the fate she's burdened with upon him. Still, a better option than John.

     Lastly her mind goes to Bill, another of the men she's slept with in the gang. Doesn't sit long with that one. Figures it's self-explanatory. At least one option is better than John, least she didn't screw up that badly. 

     She settled for John is what she did. John wasn't a bad person necessarily, she's seen the heart inside that man. Deep, deep down in there she's seen a heart. Abigail knows he has the ability to grow into someone incredible or maybe it's wishful thinking. Either way it's what she's stuck with now, no matter how poor of a choice she's made.

     Her thoughts are interrupted by a new yet familiar voice to Abigail.

     “Mind if I sit next to you?” 

     “Course not Miss Adler. I apologize, you caught me daydreaming. Silly of me…” 

     “Ain't no such thing Abigail, was lookin’ for somewhere quiet to sit anyway.” Pauses before speaking again. “Just Sadie by the way. None a’ this _Miss Adler_ shit. We're right friends now I believe.”

     Abigail stops herself from apologizing again out of habit. “Yes, I believe so.”

     Abigail watches Sadie move down beside her, knows her eyes are lingering a tad to long on her legs and hands that rest at either side of her. As she sits Abigail lingers on her face, the gentle laugh lines just barely making their mark on her skin. Studies the way her golden locks frame her strong jawline. Takes every ounce of willpower she has to turn her gaze away from her, focusing on the camp in the distance.

     She watches the various gang members making themselves busy or in Uncle's case hardly busy at all. Watches as Grimshaw shouts at the other girls telling them to pick up the slack and get busy despite it still being quite early. Sees Dutch and Hosea inside his tent discussing something or maybe reminiscing as they often did. Hears the gentle sound of Javier's guitar playing in the distance, it's comforting aura washing over her as she sits in silence with Sadie.

     “That was a nasty fight y'all two had last night.” Sadie breaks the quiet between them. “You okay after all that ruckus?”

     Abigail laughs quiet, nervous, attempting to recall any topics John and her argued over that night. “I don't rightly recall what we was fightin’ about if I'm being honest with you Miss A…. _Sadie._ All I know is I'm left with hurt feelin's.”

     She only receives a gentle touch on her back, Sadie gently rubbing it to comfort any open wounds from the previous night. There's a definite difference in a woman's touch versus a man. When a man touches her it always has an underlying meaning. One of sexual desires or a need to be congratulated for being a decent person. Either way a man expects something from a woman. But with women, with Sadie, there is none of that. When Sadie touches Abigail it's out of genuine concern for her and her well-being. No ulterior motives, no funny business. Pure and simple support towards her.

     Abigail realized long ago that was one of many things she loved about women. Women were honest, there was no lying in them. At least not when they spoke with other ladies. When around the company of fellow women, she noticed there was a gentleness that surrounded even the most harsh of women. Well, with the exception of Susan Grimshaw. She was a unique case, an outlier in what Abigail more commonly observes. And to be fair, she's never seen Grimshaw around other women her age. And she has seen a gentle side to Grimshaw, though it is seldom she does.

     “Pologize if I'm oversteppin’ Abigail but…I reckon you deserve better.” Sadie is the one to break the silence again. “My Jake never treated me like that, not once. An’ you're a smart woman, kind and beautiful. Anyone a’ these shitheads a be lucky to have ya. I mean it, really do." 

     “Oh, Sadie…” Abigail holds her face in her hands hoping to hide the obvious flush growing on her face. “Forgive me if I'm a bit flushed at the moment, I don't believe I hear that kinda talk often enough. Specially not about a woman as plain as myself.” Musters up the courage to reach a hand down to Sadie’s resting on her lap. “Thank you kindly though, I really do appreciate you sayin’ somethin’ so sweet.”

     “You ain't plain Abigail. Reckon I never met a woman as special as you. You're strong yet sweet as a peach somehow at the same time.” Sadie laughs, it's absolutely gorgeous. She's smiling warmly at her, Abigail can't help but admire the way she looks. “You really are somethin’ special, you know that? John is a lucky son of a bitch.” 

     “If only someone would remind that dumb man.” 

     “You love him?”

     The question comes out of nowhere, throwing Abigail for a loop. She stumbles as she answers, “I don't rightly know….I-I suppose I gotta if he's the father of my son.”

     “That ain't what I'm askin’ _Miss Roberts_. I'm askin’ if you love ‘im.”

     She can't lie to Sadie, but she can't tell the complete truth either. Abigail settles, as always, for another option. “No, I don't suppose I do. Worst part is I feel awfully guilty about it. I roped him into this and I don't even love him.”

     Sadie takes the hand Abigail has resting on her in her own. “You want my advice Abigail?”

     She chuckles, “Yes, very much Sadie. I could use a whole world of advice right now.”

     “Alright then...talk to ‘im. Tell that man how you feel.” Squeezes her hand. “The whole truth, nothing short. Trust me on this one, you'll be worlds happier together.” 

     Sadie's stare is intense, it's hard to keep her eyes on her. Abigail thinks, maybe hopes, that Sadie is hinting at something else. Hinting at a talk John and her ought to of had a bit ago. Abigail's seen the way he looks at Javier. Seen them sneak off together. Can't exactly fault him with how she's been looking at Sadie since she's arrived. How she's looked at other women. She smiles nervously, moving her eyes to the grass at her feet.

     “I believe we ought to. Don't believe he loves me much either.”

     “I'm tellin’ ya Abi,” Sadie moves in, placing a peck onto Abigail's cheek. “,ya deserve the world an’ more.”

     Sadie let's go, standing up. Abigail can't help but feel her heart drop a bit at the loss of Sadie's hand in her's. 

     “I better go, day'll leave me behind if I don't get the jump on it. You'll be okay on your own here?”

     “Yes…Thank you again, Sadie.” 

     “Good. You let me know if I can help ya out ever, Miss Roberts.” 

     “You already done so much. I don't think I'd feel right asking for more from you.”

     “Well my offer stands. You call I'll come runnin’ to ya.”

     Abigail smiles at Sadie with a softness that she can never offer to a man. A warmness that says she is comforted simply by Sadie's presence alone. “Thank you…really, it means an awful lot to me Miss Adler.”

     “Anytime Miss Roberts.” She grins at her, then turns to walk away.

     Abigail is quick to grab at her wrist, stopping her from walking away.

     “Wait…” She looks around for a moment trying to figure out what excuse to make up for Sadie to stay longer. Looks back up at Sadie, only able to come up with a simple question. “Mind if I join you? Arthur took Jack for the day so I could catch a break. If it isn't any trouble, I'd like to come along with you. I don't got much else to do without my son around. Boy keeps me busier than a bee I tell ya…” She laughs to herself, realizing she's rambling and let's go of Sadie's wrist to tuck some hair behind her ear. 

     Sadie puts her arm out to her, “Course I don't mind, Abigail.” She's quick to her feet, linking arms with Sadie. “Just promise you'll call me Sadie. That's my one condition.”

     “I believe I can manage that, Sadie.” Abigail smiles, resting her hand onto Sadie's arm.

     They walk off together arm in arm. Abigail is unable to stop herself from wearing a sappy smile as she rests her head onto Sadie's shoulder. Closes her eyes as she allows Sadie to lead her along. She thinks about how it feels to be this close to Sadie. Close enough to learn how she smells, to feel her exhale as she breathes. Abigail feels something with Sadie that she could never feel with a man. She feels loved, she feels respected.

     Abigail feels safe.

 


End file.
